Ad Infinitum

Most people are familiar with the song, “Hurray for Hollywood.” No one has ever heard the song “Hurray for North Hollywood” because one has never been written. And will never be. While the creative verve of Los Angeles flowed freely through North Hollywood, so did high crime, homeless people, and more 99 Cent stores than zits on a Carl’s Jr. employee.

     On the plus side, commercial square footage was inexpensive and even cheaper if the property in question had been taken over by the state for illegal activity. Ad Infinitum founder Mac Billig purchased the warehouse space, once a meth lab, for pennies on the dollar. Mac had an eye for bargains and paid less for his office furniture than an Idaho potato farmer spends on caviar, but he spared no expense when it came to hiring talent.

     He hired Sheldon after meeting with the young man at a Clio Awards dinner. At the time, Sheldon was working as a junior copywriter for a prestigious agency and had led them to win the bronze for best automotive ad. Mac needed a copy manager who could balance humor and sophistication, and embodied enough wisdom to know the difference.

    Hiring Derek Armstrong was an entirely different matter. Derek had exceptional artistic talent but also an ego large enough to sanction its own zip code. He entrusted Sheldon with the task of drawing out Derek’s artistic ability while keeping his jockness down to a minimum. Sheldon hated this part of the job but recognized it as a necessary evil.

     Mac was thrilled with winning the Dragon Star account and had no qualms about Buddy Boy. Long ago, Mac had adopted a strict moral code: if it’s legal, it’s moral. He awarded both Sheldon and Derek substantial raises. But to maintain the account, Mac inherently knew that it would take a woman’s touch. He interviewed two dozen candidates for the account manager position. When Tara Firm walked into the interview his jaw almost dropped to the floor. Thanks to sensitivity and harassment-in-the-workplace training, he was able to focus on the bridge of her nose, about the only part of her body that didn’t give him that tingly feeling down below.

     Fortunately, Mac was happily married to the same woman for 27 years, a woman who had stuck with him through the hard times and had borne him two sons, one who looked like Wayne Newton and made him question on more than one occasion what exactly happened during his wife’s weekend bachelorette party in Las Vegas. Mac curbed his adolescent lust and instead fell in love with Tara’s intelligence, business acumen and potential for adding to the bottomline, the later being the biggest turn-on. He offered her a job on the spot. To his surprise, she accepted.